Where Dads Go Wrong With Discipline

Not sure of the best way to go about disciplining your defiant child or teenager? The last thing you want to do is become a dad who "means business," or the father who raises his voice and "makes" his kids listen.

As both a father and a clinical psychologist for the last 20 years, I'm all about setting healthy behavior boundaries for my kids and giving my children "consequences" when necessary. I also make sure my kids show me the respect that all dads are due. But as a "yeller in recovery," I learned the hard way that shouting at your kids and issuing commands does little to stop defiant behavior. In fact, it tends to fuel defiance. Many older fathers I've counseled over the years have shared with me that their deepest regret was being too tough on their kids.

We dads tend to have an innate thinking pattern of discipline as the way to "show my child who is boss" or "make him pay for his mistakes." I'm all for supporting your parental authority and having your child be accountable for his negative actions. But you must consider discipline a way to teach your child rather than a way to control him or her. This is the only way to make discipline work for you.

Let me put it another way: Before you can discipline your child effectively, you must first have the self-discipline to understand your child. Understanding your child is just as important, if not more important, than loving him or her. Think about how many adults have felt loved but not really understood as children. You may even know some.

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Anonymous
Posts: 1

Reply #1 on : Fri June 25, 2010, 05:00:18

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I have three boys and the last one ( age 6) his the biggest handful. I think what you've got on your web page makes sense and seems logical. I read a lot of parenting books and you seem to fir in with my basis philosophy. I am getting your book this weekend! Wish I would have found you sooner.
I've read all of the Faber and Mazlish books and The Explosive Child by Greene. I am hoping your book will give me additional insight and skills.

Bonnie, mother of three amazing boys