The Discipline Dilemma

Reining in kids can be hard work, especially when you and your wife disagree about the approach to take

DISCIPLINING CHILDREN is hard work, and it’s that much harder when you and your wife disagree about the right approach.

How can you work as a team to set clear, consistent standards for your kids? How do you avoid sending mixed messages or letting them play one of you against the other? Here are eight guidelines to bear in mind:

1. Accept your differences. Forget about creating a united front. Your wife grew up in a different family, and her temperament, preferences and priorities no doubt differ from your own. Maybe your dad was a drill sergeant Maybe her mom was laid back. Or vice versa.

You may not like your wife’s ideas about discipline, but you must acknowledge them—and respect them. Otherwise, it’s impossible to work together as a team. 

2. Talk things over. What are your priorities for the children? Which of their behaviors bother you most? Dawdling at bedtime? Picky eating habits? Messy rooms? What gets under your wife’s skin? Backtalk? Fights over homework? Does one of you have strong beliefs about healthy eating, while the other lets the kids eat junk food?

Agree before these problems erupt that the one of you who has stronger feelings about a particular issue will be the one to take the lead in handling the situation. Next time Sally refuses to clean her room, for example, it’ll be Mom’s job to dish out a consequence because that’s her area of concern. No need for you to get involved.

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