What Every Dad Must Do During Back-to-School Time

Back-to-school time is stressful for kids. For dads, too. Here, parenting expert Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer offers her top nine strategies for easing the bambinos back into school without all the muss and fuss.

1. Show interest in your child's day-but don't interrogate. You might want to ask, "What did you do in school today?" but odds are you won't get the response you're looking for. Some kids forget. Others are too tired to recall the details. And some kids see school as their private space and want dads to butt out. So you're your child about your day--mentioning both good and bad things--and see if he/she wants to share. Whatever you do, don't keep kids up past their bedtime trying to pry information out of them. You might say something like, "I'll ask mom what you said about the day, and we can talk in the morning."

2. Stay close to home. When children are unsettled by new things, they need their family routines more than ever. Keep things as familiar as possible during this time. If you can avoid coming home late or leaving town, do so. If you're separated or divorced, stick to your usual visits, and call up or text to show you're thinking of them. Being generous with your time and attention will help your child feel loved and safe until the new becomes familiar.

3. Don't be late. If you're collecting your child from the school or the bus stop, be there on time. Showing up late can frighten kids--or make the feel forgotten. They also hate to stand out from the group, so being left behind will mortify them. As soon as your child comes out of the school or gets off the bus, scoop him/her up and start the conversation. Don't be sidetracked by any moms or other dads there.

4. Don't push visits to and from friends too soon. During the first few weeks of a new school year, kids need parents and siblings more than they need friends. If you're parenting alone, it's easy to think that having friends mean your child's is popular and you've done ok by them. You might, then, push visits to and from friends before they're ready. Young children, in particular, can find it hard to blend their home and their school lives. They prefer to keep things separate. Getting together with a friend after school doesn't occur to them, and they may even feel jealous of any attention you give friends--because they want you all to themselves. Older kids may want some quiet time at home as a break from all the socializing that takes place at school.

5. Take their fears and feelings seriously. Try to see life the way your child sees it. A child's problems may seem trivial compared to yours, but for a child, they are life-sized. Dads can think all kids should be strong and brave because that's how you cope, so you may dismiss worries about making friends, getting lost on the way or forgetting things for lessons. At school, they're just one of a crowd and could feel very small. Boost their confidence by acknowledging their feelings.

6. Trust that they will do well. Learning often takes a step back after the long summer vacation. It's not so much that things have been forgotten; the emotional energy required to understand the new teacher and class set-up mean less energy is available for processing information. Social skills can slip for a while, too, for similar reasons. So go easy on your child for these first weeks. Praise him for things he's good at. Don't demand instant top grades in class or homework, and think twice before signing them up for loads of new after school activities.

7. Don't criticize teachers or the school--or their friends. Help your child feel good about the new school situation. Dads tend to criticize to show off their good judgment, but if you complain about a teacher, or the school's scores or sports, he won't feel the pride he needs to do his best. Where a child feels split between you and the school, he's likely to side with neither and may slide into unhealthy friendships instead.

8. Encourage independence and self-help skills. Children who are able to manage themselves in practical ways develop a more independent approach to learning. Encourage your young child to cope with his coat and shoes, wash his own hands, bathe, etc. Your older one should be organizing his homework, travel to school, where appropriate, and social life.

9. Keep criticism to a minimum. Try to be more tolerant of kids' noise and boisterousness. If you scold your child for minor things, it could interfere with his self-confidence. Last-minute mayhem over getting dressed, or fights over what's for breakfast, can also spoil a day. So help everyone to get organized! Clear routines that ensure school and sports bags are packed and ready help, but if there is mayhem, bite back any temptation to blame.

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